Martinized
when the violets roar at the sun
they've got us in the cage
ruined of grace and senses
and the heart roars like a lion
at what they've done to us.
A six line poem has one essential line for the meaning removed: "they'll set us free". The essential "their" cage is changed to "the" cage, depriving the poem of its indictment of the "they" of "society." The double function of title as both title and first lines is ruined by removal of "and" in line three which previously led the reader from title to the opening of the poem. The deliberate use of "for" in last line changed to "at" which distorts the intended double meaning of "for". So, like dropping an A-bomb on a perfect fragile flower. Good work. The heart roars like a lion at what has been done to this poem.
when the violets roar at the sun
they've got us in the cage
ruined of grace and senses
and the heart roars like a lion
at what they've done to us.
A six line poem has one essential line for the meaning removed: "they'll set us free". The essential "their" cage is changed to "the" cage, depriving the poem of its indictment of the "they" of "society." The double function of title as both title and first lines is ruined by removal of "and" in line three which previously led the reader from title to the opening of the poem. The deliberate use of "for" in last line changed to "at" which distorts the intended double meaning of "for". So, like dropping an A-bomb on a perfect fragile flower. Good work. The heart roars like a lion at what has been done to this poem.
