WHY READ WHEN THERE IS TV? WHY LISTEN TO MORE CD' s AFTER YOU HAVE SEEN SHAKIRA?
I only read at the first grade level so the last book I read was "Everyone Poop's" by Taro Gomi-you know Elephants make big poopies, Mice make small poopies.I am working my way up to big peoples books.My girlfriend counts pages for me so I guarantee I will never read War and Peace by that Russian guy no matter how fast I learn to read. Poopies have always been fascinating to me ever since Mommie Dearest put me on the little boy's potty and screamed,"C'mon let it out. Squeeze harder you little bastard." Believe you me I wanted to take a poopie but I always thought it was dirty-dirty. I only took a shit when I was 34 when I read "All the Assholes in the World and Mine". Boy did I feel better. And people no longer said I was full of shit. They now said my poetry was shitty but I do not give a purple shit what readers think because my favorite pastime when I am not on the bidet squirting myself after a big one is studying shit, piss, vomit, mucous, etc. Big people call it Scatology-I call it "The Shits". Sigmund Freud said only those who study how a people dispose of waste know the people so I know all you faux intellectual mother fuckers who think your poetry is the shits.
The last and only CD I will listen to is Shakira's "Oral Fixation 2". Just like Bukowski changed my life forever when my brother sent me "Love is a Dog From Hell" with the inscription. "You are twisted, Hank is twisted, give him 20 pages", I was falling asleep watching the David Letterman show when I heard this beautiful voice sing "Don't Bother". I opened my eyes and my heart started racing. It was Shakira-Shakira-Shakira. I never saw a body move like that except when I watched an eel get zapped with electricity.OK .OK you snitch bastard.-also when I had electric shock therapy. I was hooked again. My CD is programmed to only play Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie". Screw Viagara-watch the video and blast off. Now I do not go out with women any more. No woman can beat Shakira. I stay home and masturbate. And the best part is this is the first time I have had sex with someone I love.