THIS IS NOT A TEST

[Hannah]

subtle clues through his/her avatars...

Ha, yeah, I didn't think they were subtle. But they were just avatars. I think I was a guitar volume knob for a while too.

But somehow I had this idea, that mjp would still exist too.
That both "personae" would live here and post here, depending on mood and subject matter.

The best way I can explain it is like this: if you were released from prison after, oh, 55 years, would you go back and spend your weekends there? Probably not. The experience of prison will always be part of you, and you might sometimes still behave as if you're in prison, but you'll do everything you can to avoid going back.

no one could expect you to come up with a ready-made masterplan all of a sudden.

There's definitely no master plan. There wasn't a plan to expose myself like this right now, but here we are.

she's the same person.

I'm not sure how someone can even become a different person. I mean, over our lives we change our outlook on things and some of our actions, but we're not fundamentally different people (The Autobiography of Malcolm X notwithstanding). Tattoos make you look different, but you're still the same person, and changing the clothes you wear can make you look different, but you're still the same underneath them.

What I'm doing now is just bringing the outside more in line with what's always been inside. It's a trans cliche, but I guess it's a cliche for a reason.

 

[hoochmonkey9]

Hannah was always here.

That's the way I see it. She was here but hidden because of society, etc. We all have our public and private sides, Hannah's private side had been very private.

I will say I have an advantage in dealing with this because I've only known Hannah virtually. I don't get the full impact of the aesthetic transformation. When I talk to Hannah online it's the same person I've known for 13 (?) years. And I like that person very much.

 

[Johannes]

Tell me do you really know
Your brother man
'Cause a heart speaks louder
Than a color gender can

And why would you even
Shake a man's hand
If you're not going
To help him stand

 

[Pogue Mahone]

Something's happening here, and you don't know what it is...

 

[zobraks]

... do you, Mr Jones?

 

[the only good poet]

It's not that mjp/Hannah didn't give us subtle clues through his/her avatars:

View attachment 19552
Where were our eyes/brains?

Ah! Thanks, zobraks. I always wondered what "Say yes to the dress," was about! When I discovered it was a reality TV show based on finding a wedding dress, I assumed mjp (as Hannah was then. Cool name!) was making some coolly ironic take on reality TV. I should have known better. They are smarter than that.

Wait. I then discovered there was a counterpart to "Say yes to the dress" in "Now I have found the gown," (brilliant!) and I considered putting that below my avatar. Of course, I never did.

Now Hannah could.

See how things work...

 

[roni]

The best way I can explain it is like this: if you were released from prison after, oh, 55 years,

Thanks, I see.
I still have to learn a lot about this. I'm only beginning. Guess I'm not totally alone with that.

 

[the only good poet]

Sometimes, oftentimes, when I look back at what I have written, despite my efforts, I think, "Why did I write that?" But, by then, it can be too late. As Bukowski wrote, There is nothing worse than too late.

 

[Hannah]

Guess I'm not totally alone with that.

You are not.

But isn't it great that life can still surprise you? ?

 

[doobiewah]

So is it just Hannah or are you considering a middle name?
I like Hannah, good choice.

 

[Hannah]

No middle name.

Maybe I shouldn't have a last name either. Like Cher or Prince or Roni...

 

[Hosh]

I see the "loss" lens, and don't want to discount it for whoever feels it...but I think of it as far more of a gain. I believe that the world could be better if people were allowed to truly be who they are. I hate the dynamic that exists -- this idea of being against things. I mean, shit, what's it to ya?!

And sure, I'm probably as grumpy and small as the next five yahoos down the pike. But I want to be less so. I want to be for things, be for life -- in all it's messy beauties. So anytime I'm fortunate enough to see someone take a step toward that greater happiness, that's always going to be a win in my book. And if things feel unsure or complicated on the way, I say our default setting should be trying to normalize a hard-won happiness for as many people as humanly possible.

 

[esart]

Someone can feel both loss and gain. It's normal to feel both. It doesn't mean it's being against something to feel some loss, it's just an emotion and it's okay to embrace feelings as they come up, and talk about them. We can celebrate and also have our feelings of loss...this is all complex. People are complex, as are emotions. I think it's all okay and everything changes. Nothing stays the same. Feelings normalize, and then they will change again. All good!

 

[roni]

Sometimes, [...] I think, "Why did I write that?"

I sure know that feeling. But concerning this very matter:
I don't regret any of what I've written above, as clumsy as it may come through.
[and I was sober then, btw]

So, yeah, I guess, maybe I wasn't really capable to write down the words, to explain exactly what I meant, but I do know that TAFKAM (The-Artist-Formerly-Known-As-MJP) knows me long enough and well enough to understand.
(especially to be sure, that I'm Not critizising herhis turn or coming-out or whatever you'd name it, or think, it would be an "un-normal" thing - well, of course: it IS "un-normal" by the definition of "norm-al", but that's not what I'm talkin' about. Get it?)

We love each other (no pun intended) and this gives both of us the freedom to tell straight (still no pun intended), what we feel.
And I do mean THIS.

Someone can feel both loss and gain.

Yes. Abso-fuckin'-lutely, as the kids say.

Maybe I shouldn't have a last name either. Like Cher or Prince or Roni...

Yeah, baby. or like:
Voltaire, Novalis, Molière, Bono, Sting, Fish, Eminem, Heino, Nena, Stendhal, Balthus, Paracelsus, Papus, Madonna, Farinelli, Nadar, Christo, Banksy, Falco, Loriot, ah, and of course: Batman.

 

[Black Swan]

It is evident for all of us that what has attracted us in the first place to this site is the subject of Bukowski and all the research and work involved in maintaining and upgrading its content. It always has been about facts and truth, love and humour. Our host is who has been responsible for all of this. None of this has changed. Nothing!

The fact that our host has decided to reveal something very personal about himself/herself is a proof that he/she feels safe here, within these virtual walls that he/she has built. I believe that it took a lot guts to express something that personal about oneself. Hannah needs our support and we need to live up to the fact that he/she is counting on our support.
Yes, it does make one question oneself on the subject of changing gender or modifying one’s appearance in order to look how one really feels. Not something that is easy to do.
So is life, in motion 24 hours a day.

 

[Hannah]

Not something that is easy to do.

I can confirm that. ;)

 

[roni]

This pic was made to advertise a day of Performances in my hometown in 2014.
You sure can tell, who of them is me.
It was my own choice to wear these pink undies and stockings.

Make outa that what you want. Or not.

 

[Aficionado37]

Maybe I shouldn't have a last name either.

May I suggest Montana? Or perhaps Barbera?

(okay I'll show myself out)

 

[doobiewah]

Hannah Marina Louise?

 

[roni]

May I suggest Montana?

I do remember, that then-mjp even advertised Hannah Montana for president about 10 years ago.
Or maybe not exactly "advertised" but merely joked. That was, before the Joker became the president. Which, of course, is no joke and not funny. But that's a different story.

 

[the only good poet]

It was my own choice to wear these pink undies and stockings.

Make outa that what you want.

Ok.

You look better in pink undies and stockings than I do. ?

Bastard

 

[roni]

even better than many women do.

 

[Aficionado37]

Love the new page design?

 

[Black Swan]

even better than many women do.

that's for sure, Roni.
I am jealous of your slim thighs. You could not slip a sheet of paper between mine. ?

 

[roni]

I am jealous of your slim thighs

don't.
they aren't "slim" they're meagerly.
They are what makes a kid of 13 avoid public pools or wearing short-pants; and welcoming the 90s-fashion of oversized clothes.
Don't worry: I'm over it. No reason to feel pity. Just know, that this sort of figure is not necessarily heaven.

 

[Hannah]

Girls Names That Start With the Letter H

https://thisisnotatest.com/girls-na...tm_medium=post&utm_campaign=tinat-girls-names

It's me again, and it's high time we talked about names again, not to mention technical tomfoolery, what defines us, surviving a plane crash, employment discrimination, being an expert procrastinator, clanging, blabbing, guacamole, silence, otherness, parmesan cheese, the President of the Apes, diapers, conformity-by-necessity, outsiders, starting a podcasting school, palindromes, the world's laziest way to name a baby, fancy cakes, and divinely inspired ideas and concepts.

 

[zobraks]

One thing is sure: you can't beat the previous (groundbreaking) installment.

 

[Hannah]

Yeah, it's a tough act to follow.

Maybe I should have retired after that. "Thank you, goodnight!" A true performer knows when to exit stage left.

But I'm far too self-involved to do that.

 

[Black Swan]

This podcast is getting so comfortable that I fall asleep. I have listened to it twice this morning and still lost the last 5 minutes. See you later! Hear you later!?

 

[hoochmonkey9]

Doing my fancy listening again. The clanging is so much better in hifi!