all things baseball. if you swing that way

[hoochmonkey9]

I've been hiding from this thread because my team (Washington) has been sucking. hard.
the offense is one of the best in the league, the starting pitching is ok, but the bullpen is almost non-existent. blowing huge leads (insert porn/cocaine jokes here. please. I could use the comedy relief).

the one bright spot has been the hitting streak of the highly touted face of the franchise 3rd baseman, Ryan Zimmerman. now at 29 games. keep on keepin' on, brother.

 

[hoochmonkey9]

ok, I'm listening to a game on mlb.com. how does a team (again, Washington) give up only one hit but the opposing team gets 5 runs in the inning?

HOW!?!?!

jesus murphy. dreadful.


(EDIT: the answer is an error and 5 walks in a row.)

 

[number6horse]

Couldn't quite combine baseball jokes and sex jokes, so here's 3 baseball jokes followed by 2 blow-job jokes :

What's the difference between the Nats bullpen and The Teamsters ?
The Teamsters know how to throw a strike.

Why is it always so hot in Washington Nationals baseball stadium ?
A serious lack of fans.

What's the difference between a Washington Stadium hot dog and a Busch Stadium hot dog ?
You can still buy a Busch Stadium hot dog in October.
(This joke is expiring quickly.)

***********************************************

The queen of England was visiting one of America's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health insurance."

************************************************

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

 

[strangegirl]

lol:D

 

[Bukfan]

LOL - Hilarious jokes...:D

 

[strangegirl]

Hmmm... Sorry Hooch the Giants beat the Nationals tonight, quietly to myself... YEAH!!...
Go Pablo Sandoval!!
:D

 

[hoochmonkey9]

note to self....strangegirl off christmas card list...

 

[number6horse]

Fucking Pirates. They're worse than those Somali pirates. Where are those snipers ? I need 9 of them.

 

[Short Bus]

I must say the band wagon in Toronto is beginning to get full.
I heard a sports castor Predict 90 wins the day before the season opening while everyone else was predicting 70-he looks pretty good right now and is enjoying telling everyone that right now he looks pretty smart.
People who ignored the Jays and haven't gone to or watched a gasme for years are now writing on forums about them.

 

[strangegirl]

In the land of the Giants, nothing lasts forever. Congratulations Hooch your team done good today...

...so am i back on the xmas card list?...:D

 

[number6horse]

Fucking Pirates. Where are those Navy snipers ? Report for duty. NOW !

hooch - it was a great run for Zimmerman and I'm sure he'll put together another before you know it.

Jimmy Snerp - Blue Jays are flying high and I hope they stay there. Enough with the Yankees/Red Sox business already. Just for one season. Please. And Mr. Harry Leroy Halladay is a stud. His next start will be Sunday vs. the White Sox. Tell him to be charitable and allow 4 or 5 hits and maybe a run or two ? Just to make it less of a slaughter. There will be children watching.

 

[number6horse]

Well, it took 5 relief pitchers and some defensive wizardry but the Cards escaped a sweep by the Bucs last night. Still headed for the cliff, though...

 

[hoochmonkey9]

Zimmerman looks so focused and calm at the plate right now. locked in, I guess they call it.

maybe he's just relaxed a bit now he has some protection in the lineup.

now, if we could only find a bullpen...

 

[number6horse]

Cards going for the sweep vs. the Cubs tonight. (2-1 Cards on top as I type this.)

C'mon Hooch - the Nats have got to get it in gear. Maybe the rookie pitcher will surprise everyone tonight.

EDIT: Just checked Nats/Pirates score. 4-3 Pirates in 7th. Call in those Navy snipers....)

 

[hoochmonkey9]

5-4 Nats top 9. cue the crumbling bullpen....

 

[number6horse]

Woo-hoo ! The Nats stop the skid. And the Cards sweep the Cubs.

Everyone needs to buy us drinks now.

 

[Rob.]

And the Dodgers are still winning!

Bring on the California Angels of Los Angeles via Anaheim!

 

[buk was right]

Los Gigantes muy fantastico!

I fell madly in baseball love with a screechy young man from Louisiana named William Nuschler Clark, Jr. who played first base for the Giants in the 80s and 90s and never looked back.

Now I sit here in my office not 2 blocks from AT&T Park and I still love these guys (and therefore hate the Los Angeles bums with all of my being).

Go Giants!

 

[HarryC13]

At least the Nats have Adam Dunn. I love that guy even though he's a Dave Kingman clone ... he clubs a buncha homers, he has 17 now and you can bet he'll have 40 by the end of the year. But you'll also watch his average dwindle down to about .240 and he'll have his share of oh-fors. Still, fun to watch. More than I can say for the Pirates. Small-market BS ... they've traded everybody from Barry Bonds to Jason Bay. Jason Bay who is now leading the A.L. in RBIs for the Red Sox. Sheesh.

 

[number6horse]

And the recent trade of Nate McLouth. WTF is up with that ? Supposedly Atlanta didn't have to give up much back to Pittsburgh, either. An original franchise with one of the most beautiful parks in the league has a bunch of clowns in charge. Terrible....

 

[hoochmonkey9]

Dunn is a lot of fun to watch, and provides much needed protection to Zimmerman in the 3 hole.

and yes, what the hell is up with the McLouth trade? it looks like one of the Expos deals from the late '90s. and, as you probably guessed, that ain't a compliment.

but, here's one guy worth keeping an eye on.

 

[marina del rey]

but, here's one guy worth keeping an eye on.

I read about him the other day and saw a video of him online. No doubt he's a really impressive talent, but this kind of jumped out at me:

When asked about his goals as a ballplayer, he replies, "Be in the Hall of Fame, definitely. Play in Yankee Stadium. Play in the pinstripes. Be considered the greatest baseball player who ever lived. I can't wait."

Maybe I'm just being cynical, but the kid should probably play more than 2 years of high school varsity before he punches his ticket to Cooperstown. I wish him the best, but disappointment seem inevitable when you're talking like that.

 

[Purple Stickpin]

Not to mention he wants to be a Yankee.

 

[hoochmonkey9]

he's not humble, for sure.

but 16 year old jocks are supposed to be dicks, right? ;)

but seriously, this guy reminds me a bit of Josh Hamilton. I wouldn't be surprised to hear in 3 years that Harper has dropped out of baseball due to some mental breakdown.

 

[number6horse]

A left-handed hitting catcher with power would be a prized commodity for sure. They say Mantle could crush the ball at that age too, and I hope we have another natural phenom like him. But the cynic in me has to wonder if the Nevada High School Athletic Association is doing any kind of screening for these kids. A 570 ft. home run - even with an aluminum bat - sounds a little suspect to me.

 

[hoochmonkey9]

I've been watching some video and he's going to have to change his timing mechanism with his front foot. he turns it in way too much. I realize he's trying to get extra torque for clearing his hips, but once he faces pitchers with more giddy up, that front foot step will be a major hole.

but his bat speed is stunning. seriously stunning. his speed through the zone rivals a young Gary Sheffield. could be faster than Sheffield. and unlike Sheffield, he keeps his top hand on the bat. Ted Williams would be proud.

but yes, 'roids are always a concern. even at 16. especially based on his 'best player ever' comments. but the baseball lover in me hopes not.

 

[Purple Stickpin]

Hooch, you are a baseball scholar for sure. I saw that viddy on yahoo about a week or so ago, and I noticed his front foot. He really is generating a large amount of hip torque from that. Compared to most major league hitters, his foot work is very unorthodox, and perhaps the very reason why is because he has the time to do it now.

Up against a flame-thrower, he'd have to do that a half-second before the ball was pitched. ;)

What is a good speed for a 16/17-year old fastball? Maybe 85 mph? I'm wondering if the difference is more speed or location/control. The difference between 16 and 19 years old is probably a huge jump. Pitchers get better, but do hitters generally ramp up as much?

 

[number6horse]

They all ramp up fairly equally, I think. And then they really separate the men from the boys when the jump is made from High Single-A to Double-A. That is where the GM's really keep an eye out for their future players. Triple-A is more of a holding pen for Major League-ready rookies waiting for the call and pros on the mend from injury, surgery, etc..
But my esteemed fellow scholars already knew that. ;)

 

[Black Swan]

Of Fante ,I also love Tales from Bunker Hill, with the famous golden arm.
How human was that book.
I happened to have seen the Montreal Expos play a few times and loved the pace of baseball for some reason.

 

[number6horse]

Because the pace of baseball isn't determined by a clock, right ? Three outs is three outs, whether they take 3 minutes or 3 times through the line-up, and the inning has no "limits".
That's why I love it too.